Wolf in Sheep's Clothing
by NIchiki
Summary: So very innocent, the very picture of virtuous...pffft yeah right. This is a teenage boy we are talking about. Rated T for swearing and dirty mindedness. Very OOC Ichigo.


Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Bleach, but the joy of twisting the characters for my own sick pleasure.

AN: While this is my very first Bleach fic I decided to mess with Ichigo and his hollow quite a bit, and might again in the future. But just as a warning Ichigo is extremely OOC, as this is just my interpretation of what may go on in his head. Again this is the result of my very gutter brain mind, so I hope you enjoy it none the less.

_Inner hollow_

Ichigo's thoughts

* * *

Oh, don't give me that bullshit, it was a total accident, I swear. It's not like I meant to see her in just her underwear, and I had even turned around.

_After a few seconds of blatant ogling_, his hollow piped up, cackling.

Yeah ok, I admit it. I'm a red blooded male, so sue me for being curious! The first time I ever caught her in nothing but a towel was when I was patrolling the neighborhood as a soul reaper. I had a legitimate reason to be out there dammit, cause you never know where those irritating hollows will pop out next. Granted, I probably shouldn't have stuck my head in her open bedroom window, but at the time nothing naughty had even crossed my mind.

_Not his, but it sure crossed mine!_

What I wouldn't give for a gag for him. Anyway, I was only there to check on her nothing more. I was about to call out to her but the sight that greeted my eyes made me freeze. And let me tell you: if I hadn't had such a good grip on the window...

_His face woulda made personal friends with her floor!_

Do you ever shut up?

_You would be nothing without me kingy and you know it. It's not like you would've noticed the princess on your own. Let's face it, you give new meaning to the phrase dense as a block of wood._

I am NOT dense, I just pretend to be.

_Pretty sure that's the same thing you idiot._

Hello kettle, this is pot, did you know you're black?

_Is that the best insult you could come up with?_

Well your presence insults me, so we're even. Now, back to what I had been saying before I was so rudely interrupted.

_The hot princess right?_

Yeah the hot prin..I mean Orihime. Stop confusing me, it's hard enough to focus as it is.

_Well it's your own fault, speaking to me during school hours. By the way, have you noticed all the interesting looks you're getting?_

No! I was too busy trying to get rid of the mental images of a certain woman you keep putting into my head. How the hell am I supposed to keep track of the people around me when you're distracting me?

He snorts. _It's not my fault your pea brain can't handle more than one task at a time. How do you even manage to breath and talk at the same time? I'm surprised you haven't keeled over yet._

Keep talking you overgrown marshmallow, cause you're just asking to have my sword introduced to your ass.

_I don't swing that way, and I resent that remar...whoa did you just see that?_

Darting my eyes side to side, I try to spot what had gotten him so excited. The hell are you talking about, I don't see anything.

_Wow, you are blind. Over there you idiot... no, by the damn fence._

Where...oh...OH! Shit look away...

_No no, don't you dare turn away from that!_

Orihime is a nice girl and I am not going to ogle her and run the risk of getting caught. Someone should really point that out to her, I'm gonna have to find a way to bring it to Tatski's attention. Preferably without informing her of what I saw, I like living thank you

_So you're just gonna go and ruin my fun again. What kind of man are you to cover that up? That's the lame ass Quincy's job._

I'll tell you what kind of man I am. I am a decent respectable, responsible, no nonsense...OK if she does that again I'm going to get a nose bleed.

_Thought you were too decent to look at such a thing? Seems your morals went out the window pretty damn fast there._

Hey, I do have morals. It's just really hard not to look at something being presented in front of you and not appreciate the view.

_For once kingy, I agree with you there, it is a nice view isn't it? Like a fine work of art, displayed for all to see...wait, shit, no!_

Now what's your problem?

_All these damn idiots can see the princess you moron! See the drool monkey over there..whats his name..Catgo?_

You mean Keigo? Like that's something new for him. Anything gets his attention, especially in the female form.

_That's not the point! The view we can see, he's seeing too. Get yer head outta yer ass and rip his eyes out!_

Hmm, another thing we agree on, scary. That idiots wrote one too many checks his butt can't cash and he's about due for another throttling, but first.

I stroll over, casual as you please, and offer my jacket to help keep her warm. Ha! Try and look now you pervert! I shoot Keigo a menacing look, promising retribution later and leaned against the tree she's sitting under.

_While I'm glad he can't see our princess, now we can't see much of her either._

I choose the lesser evil over the other in this case. Besides, when I get the jacket back it's going to have her scent on it, now had you thought of that?

_Give the boy a cookie, he actually admitted there was something about her he liked._

Humph… Just because I choose not to drool all over her doesn't mean her presence isn't bewitching.

I may pretend to be indifferent to everyone on the outside, but inside it's a whole other story. Yes, I Ichigo Kurosaki, have the hots for Orihime Inoue, the most beautiful girl in school, if not the whole damn town. Now before you faint from shock, let me tell you why I am so apathetic to everything around me involving females. One word, just one word and you will understand why I do what I do; Isshin Kurosaki, ok two words really. And before you can roll your eyes and say  
"what the hell does he have anything to do with all that," hear me out. While he may be a kind and caring father to Karin and Yuzu, with me...well. Let's just say he's depriving some village of their idiot. I honestly have no idea how he managed to become a doctor with the mental intelligence and attention span of a 3 year old, but he did. Making me question who's the real mental patient, him or the board of medicine that approved him. Scary thought that is.

His mental capacities aside, it's his lechery and his ability to come onto anything female within a five foot radius that makes me the way I am. He's lecherous enough for fifty men and I, for one, don't need or want the rap he gets for being an idiot around women. That man wouldn't know subtle if it came up and bit him on the ass and that right there is the big difference between us. I am so slick I have everyone fooled into thinking I'm as innocent as a little lamb.

_Ha, yeah right!_

Well, everyone except the imbecile in my head. Only he knows what goes on inside my mind and gets a kick out of me pretending I am not affected by Orihime. But I'm not a total perv that only goes for a woman for her back porch or what's under the hood, to put it crudely. Ooh no, they need to have something going on upstairs to intrigue me and the right attitude to back it up. I know what you're thinking, that I'd only go for really feisty women and such. Well, you couldn't be more wrong, so shut up and stop trying to put words in my mouth.

It may seem like Orihime's just a ditzy, clumsy and downright goofy girl and well you're right about that and good for you. You want a treat, captain obvious? Some of those traits might put off other men, but not me. Instead they draw me in like a friggin magnet, her bubbly personality chases away the frown on my face and only draws me to her more. Long story short, before I go all sappy and crap on you, Orihime is the complete package and I want to be her mailman.

Oh yeah, that's right, Ichigo has fantasies and he's not afraid to indulge in them. Well in my mind at least. I don't think the world, let alone Orihime, are ready for my daydreams. But, that's not to say every waking moment of every damn day I imagine different scenarios with her and I being the stars. I can't tell you how many times I've had to cut a daydream short for fear of busting a blood vessel while in class. Now that, would have been awkward to explain. Getting a nose bleed from a dull lecture. Ohh the taunts and jeers would never end, my own private hell.

My facade must be slipping lately though, if I am managing to attract the attention of the Quincy. I know for certain he has a crush on her and he's protective of her to a degree where he's like a damn junkyard pit bull. Let me just put it plainly, he never gives up...period. Constantly chasing away would be suitors and admirers, never letting them get close to her to talk let alone breath on her. Hmm, him and Tatski have that in common, perhaps it's time to become cupid, getting him the hell out of my way and divert Tatski's attention elsewhere. Namely, a bespectacled nerd with a weird obsession for capes. Match made in heaven in my opinion.

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for the interference of the other idiots sniffing around, just trying to get into her pants. But I can only take so much of his interference, before I permanently make those glasses part of his face. I'm not suicidal enough to take on Tatski directly though, she can still kick my ass soul reaper or not, so I'll just take the round about way. Takes longer to get to the destination, but I get there with all my pertinent parts still attached, so yay me.

_Gettin off topic there kingy._

I know that, I'm getting to it!

Anyways to recap for the mentally impaired, Orihime's hot, my pants are too tight when she's around, I'm sly as a fox keeping my pervy-ness a secret, and my old man's a moron. Everyone up to speed? Do I need to explain anything further, well too bad, I'm not gonna. That's as open as you're gonna see me so deal with it. So to those who still can't believe that I even have a libido, you would be dead wrong, or just dead. Pick one, I can do either.

Anyways, back to the point of this stupid conversation. While I do keep my pervy tendencies under wraps, I have one thing those other low life's do not. I save all my thoughts, dreams, daydreams and looks for one and one only, and she's currently giving me that innocent curious look again.

So, if you're wondering what my weakness is, she's sitting beside me, with her big grey eyes focused on me, sucking innocently on a lollipop. And all the guy's eyes are on her again. Growling, I flash them eyes going dangerously dark, clenching my fists at my side in warning.

And now if you'll excuse me, I think it's time to persuade some half-wits to ogle something else, like for instance that brick wall.

* * *

AN: Yup another note. I've currently got a multi chapter fic in the works which is going to be my baby and I'm currently in the process of a collab with a friend of mine. And trying out to be a beta for a dear friend of mine. So while I am going to be kinda busy I will also be doing more one shots when I have the time. And also thinking of venturing into the world of Fairy Tail since it's one I just recently got into and absolutely love it!

Reviews are lovely and criticism is welcome anytime.


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